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Posted:
Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:45 am
by Lolburst
-snip-
Posted:
Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:21 am
by TyrannoTitan
Lolburst, religious jokes like that aren't allowed here, you have to consider our religious members.
Don't do it again.
Posted:
Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:21 am
by Zephyr
Wanna hear a cheesey joke?
Posted:
Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:07 am
by Shade
Probably not, but let's hear it anyway.
Posted:
Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:15 am
by Zephyr
okay let me put some mozzarella on it
Posted:
Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:06 am
by C S
I WANT CHEDDER! GIMME CHEDDER!
This guy says "My children are with my wife for the weakend" and this other guy says "Your divorced?" and the first guy says "No, my wife's dead, they are camping out by her grave for the weakend"
Posted:
Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:07 pm
by Evil Eye
my dad told me this one, sorry if its offensive
how do u tell who likes u better, your wife or dog?
take your dog and lock it in your car trunk and drive around a bit, let it out.
do the same with your wife.
when u let them out, which one is happy to see u?
lol
Posted:
Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:48 am
by Tediz
That's funny EvilEye. This next one isn't like... Aimed at anyone it's just a joke
Yo' Momma such a ***** I took a DNA test to see who yo' Daddy was, and the results came back as "RPGTopia Community"
Posted:
Sun Dec 21, 2008 7:28 am
by chook151
Umm i dunno if anyone heard this before but:
There were three girls in a pub, one redhead, one brunette and one blonde.
They were arguing about who was the best swimmer, so they agreed that they all would join the world swimming competition, from australia to tazmania.
One day after the world swimming competition started the redhead crossed the finish line. They reporter said" CONGRATULATIONS, YOU COMPLETED THE WORLD CUP WITH BREASTSTROKE AND WON 1ST PRIZE, HOW DO YOU FEEL!."
The redhead replied: "Great. my hair rocks." And walked off.
Two days after that the bruette crossed the finish line.
The reporter again screamed:" CONGRATULATIONS, YOU COMPLETED THE WORLD CUP WITH BREASTSTROKE AND WON 2nd PRIZE, HOW DO YOU FEEL!."
The brunette replied: " Awesome, my hair totally is the best." and walked off.
Two months after that, a very tired blonde crossed the finish line.
The very tired reporter who had lost his voice screeched:" CONGRATULATIONS, YOU COMPLETED THE WORLD CUP WITH BREASTSTROKE AND WON 11345TH PRIZE, HOW DO YOU FEEL!."
the blonde replied: "OK, but they others cheated, they were using thier hands!"
Posted:
Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:31 pm
by Evil Eye
oooh! just remembered this one, its really corny!
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by a bay, they'd be bagels
Posted:
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:22 pm
by Zephyr
OH GOD PRICELESS, if i wasnt pissed of at life i'd be dying of laughter
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
Posted:
Fri Aug 28, 2009 7:36 pm
by Giratina93
Bump.
Time for my joke...
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Leter they get together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion." "I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God's Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him." They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision..."
Posted:
Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:33 pm
by UltraGrunt117
Yo momma so fat they classified her as a planet
^ Yo momma so poor she has to live on herself.
Posted:
Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:58 pm
by The Seeker
Here's one i find funny but some of you might not
The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese
Hint for those who don't understand it: Mousetrap
Posted:
Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:03 am
by Godzilla Forever
Here's a joke my dad made up:
There's a clone and a wookiee. The wookee gets bored so decides to annoy the clone by staring at him. The clone, annoyed, turns and says, "Can I help you?"
The wookiee responds by saying, "Yeah. I'm wookieeing at you."
Posted:
Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:24 am
by Alpha
Don't flame me for this.
I heard there are going to release a new McDonalds burger in tribute to Michael Jackson.
It's gonna be 50 year old meat, between 10 year old bums.
Get the joke?.
Posted:
Mon Feb 01, 2010 9:40 pm
by The Seeker
Funny one Alpha, 2 bad hes dead
this one isnt supposed to be offensive in any way sorry if it is
Yo mamma so fat, she doesnt eat with a fork, she eats with a FORKLIFT!
Re: Jokes: Take Your Best Shot
Posted:
Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:35 am
by Murloc Tyrannus
I'll try. It's kinda stupid though.
A farmer has 3 daughters, each going on their first date. He waits for their dates at his front door with a shotgun. The first man arrives and says "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're gonna go see a show, is she ready to go?" The farmer says yes and lets the two leave. The next young man arrives and says "Hello, my name is Eddy. I'm here for Betty. We're gonna go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer agrees and lets them go. The third man comes and starts off: "Hi, my name is Chuck--" and the farmer shoots him.