by dinoman666 » Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:11 pm
"Wait wait wait, I'm singing this one!" Velkor hissed. "And Wisp is helping." "Awesome!"
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream.
About me, about you,
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests,
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts,
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we dont know.
I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job,
I'm your average white, suburbanized slob,
I like football and (No.) fine... and books about war,
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor!
My wife and my job, my kids and my car,
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar...
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested!
(Oh no!)
No way!
(Uh-uh!)
No, I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense.
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane!
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, what an a*****e!)
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, such an a*****e!)
I use public toilets and I p**s on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime, saying "how about this heat?"
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, what an a*****e!)
I'm an a*****e! (He's the world's biggest a*****e!)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces!
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, what an a*****e!)
I'm an a*****e! (He's a real f**king a*****e!)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
Ranting and raving and carrying on,
Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong...
Nah!
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, what an a*****e!)
I'm an a*****e! (He's the world's biggest a*****e!)
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible,
Hot pink! With whale skin hubcaps,
And all leather cow interior,
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights, yeah!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour,
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds,
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers,
And when I'm done sucking down those greeseball burgers,
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag,
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side,
And there ain't a godd*mn thing anybody can do about it!
You know why? Because we've got the bombs, thats why!
2 words: nuclear f**king weapons, OK!?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want!
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square,
and it won't make a lick of difference,
Because weve got the bombs, OK!?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times!
That's how pissed off the dukes gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
and Lee Marvin, (Hey!) and Sam Peckinpah,(Hey!) and a case of whiskey, (Hey!)
and drive down to Texas and say.....
(Hey hey hey! You know, you really are an a*****e!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing this song, pal?
I'm an a*****e! (He's an a*****e, what an a*****e!)
I'm an a*****e! (He's the world's biggest a*****e!)
A! SS! HO! LE! Everybody!
A! SS! HO! LE!
...
I'm an a*****e, and I'm proud of it.
OOC: Anything with parentheses was sung by Wisp.
"Heroes have morals. Villains have work ethic."
-Megatron